Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

Dear Diary,

    "Though my ship may be rocky and my sails may be torn, I shall rest in the eyes of the storm." Giving my life to the Lord is the best thing I have done in my entire life. Having a relationship with the Lord provides peace and with all that's happening, you can rest knowing that all things are working together for it's greater good (Romans 8:28). Even with all of that, many people think or still think that walking with the Lord means our lives will be perfect and everything will be smooth sailing. I am here to tell you that that’s far from the truth (sorry if I burst your bubble). In our walk with the Lord we will still have trials and tribulation and it is also “through much tribulation we enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22, KJV). I have been met with a lot of trials and tribulation in my time; situations that took almost everything out of me. I got through those situations because of God; I rested on His words and promises and they helped me through, literally. There were days when I didn't have tears left to cry, days when I was depressed, days when I tried to figure out my worth and so on. When I encountered those difficulties, I tried to remind myself of the story in  Matthew 14 when Jesus told the disciples to get in a boat and go on ahead of Him. While the disciples were in the boat the waves and wind “slapped the boat left, right and center.” If I was in that boat, I know I would have been screaming on top of my lungs and praying to be delivered. What happened next was that Jesus showed up walking on water; Peter stepped out of the boat and began walking on water then he took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink; Jesus helped Peter up, they stepped into the boat and the wind died down. I referenced that to say that whatever storm we are going through in our lives, we should try our utmost best to keep our eyes on the Lord. He did mention that they should go on ahead of Him because they were going to the other side. He didn’t say He would leave them in the middle of the ocean/storm and they would sink, drown and die. Therefore, whatever storm we are going through, we need to remember to keep our eyes on the Lord and stay in faith because we will get through the storm and get to the other side! Did you realize that Jesus was always there for the disciples and his friends even when it MAY seem as if He was late? He also pushed them to be better people. Wow!! Now, that is what you call a healthy relationship!!

Healthy relationship?? Growing up I do not remember anyone giving me the 411 on what a healthy or unhealthy relationship should look like. By the way, when I am talking about relationships it doesn’t just relate to romantic relationships. Okay...I am glad we cleared that up. Now back to the meat of the matter, I really don’t remember anyone guiding us on what those relationships should look like, not even in schools. Therefore, we grow up and tend to get planted in relationships that are not beneficial to us while some of us, on the other hand, land some wonderful relationships. Anyways...my first real encounter with the terms healthy and unhealthy relationships was when I was teaching a course regarding the topic to a group of high school students. Listen, I was no expert on that topic; hence, I had to do a little bit of research to make it seem like the teacher actually knew what she was talking about. While teaching the course I was in for a rude awakening. What awakening might you ask?? I began analyzing my relationships and it was then I realized that I was planted in relationships that were affecting me both emotionally and physically. Did you know that unhealthy relationships can sometimes affect your health and even make you develop toxic traits? Yes, they can and so it is also important for us to do our own self reflections. While teaching the course,  I would advise the students on what they should do if they found themselves in unhealthy relationships but guess what?? I wasn’t practicing what I was teaching, haha - no joke though, I wasn't listening to my own words. Then came that voice in my head, “you are being hypocritical, you’re telling these kids to do one thing but you’re not doing it yourself.” So, with God’s help, I began working on myself and also towards identifying and fostering healthy relationships.

I believe the keys to having healthy relationships are to know that you are loved by an amazing God who wants the very best for you, learning to love yourself, having self-respect, understanding your worth, and knowing that you are enough. You are who God says you are. Once you’ve understood those, I believe you will understand how to treat yourself, how to treat others and how others should treat you. Do you remember the second greatest commandment? It says to “Love thy neighbors as thyself” (Matt. 22;39, KJV). The question, do you think you can really and truly love thy neighbor if you don’t truly love yourself? If you don’t truly love, respect yourself and understand your worth then you will take anything and give anything to others. Work on yourself darling so you can foster healthy relationships. 

Now, come a bit closer and let’s talk a little, if you are in an unhealthy relationship, try to speak to someone you can trust, get counseling and/or get out of it. You don’t want someone betraying you like Judas did to Jesus - just saying. You can be doing all the good in that relationship and it’s not reciprocated; therefore, do something about the situation. It is easier said than done, right? Yes, I know it is but getting out sooner rather than later will be beneficial to you as well as the other relationships that you have (children, family, friends, etc.). I also want to put it out there that the Lord has great plans for us and those plans are to give us hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but an unhealthy relationship ain’t it. Strive for healthy relationships. A healthy relationship will push you towards your purpose, draw you closer to God, cheer you on, help you to progress, make you feel good about yourself, make you want to do better, and so on. Now that’s what you call “hope and a future.”

As I always say, walking with the Lord and living by His word is not a “piece of cake” especially when you are cornered with life's difficulties. However, with God by our sides we are capable of walking the walk and talking the talk. We should also understand that God gives good gifts to His children (Matt. 7:11). Therefore, I believe if we allow Him to lead and direct us we will have healthy relationships. He wants the best for us, He wants us to be happy, He wants us to flourish, He wants all the glory. However, it is up to us to know what a healthy and unhealthy relationship is and also have the courage to walk away from it if it's unhealthy. If you need wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to look into your situation, please ask God for it. James 1:5 states that "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." We may also mess up at times, become toxic, and fall short of His glory (Romans 3:23) but He is faithful and just to forgive us if we repent of our sins (1 John 1:9). If we should go back to biblical days we would see how David messed up, Paul even called himself the biggest sinner but they pressed on with God.

            Remember that if your relationships are taking way more from you than it is giving you then it may be unhealthy. Please let us look within ourselves and our relationships and make changes if need be. Let us all strive for healthy relationships that push us to God and let us promote healthy relationships that will push others to God. Also, "do unto others as you would wish them do to you" (Luke 6:31).

Love,

Christian Girl