Should a Christian get divorced?

Dear Diary,

Should a Christian get a divorce? What constitutes for a Christian to get a divorce and is he/she condemned forever? Is there life after that divorce? Can a Christian remarry even if their “Ex” is not dead? What will the church say? What will people say? What does the bible say? These are all questions I wrestled with or should I say I still wrestle with. 

The topic of divorce in the Christian community is a major one. Some people are totally against it while others are for it. Some say it is okay to remarry even if their “Ex” is still alive while others believe that they shouldn’t. But - how do I feel about it? I do not agree with divorce, especially as a Christian; however, I am a divorced Christian. Can I share my story? You know what, let me share it anyway but this may take some time. 

My marriage was a tumultuous one and even before marriage, the relationship was very tumultuous. I got saved the same time I found out I was pregnant. Crazy huh? I always dreamt of having both parents for my child especially because I grew up with both parents. I wanted that, I needed to have both parents for my child. As a result, I decided to push through while dismissing all the red flags, all the warnings. Maybe you would say that I was color blind. There was physical and emotional abuse as well as infidelity before the marriage but knowing the person that I am, I believed things could change, and I believed he could change. Fast forward to our marriage, things went from 0-100 in no time. There was no change for the better, things only got WORSE! At this point, I was struggling with my marriage and what to do as a Christian. I kept saying, “what God puts together, let no man put asunder.” I was physically and emotionally drained, I felt as if I was becoming toxic, I felt as if I had lost myself and what made it worse was that my relationship with God was somehow affected. I was lonely, depressed, and abused - I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I tried everything in the Christian book... but can one person make it work?  I thought about divorce but instead was faced with a number of questions to myself. You are a Christian, what will the church say? What will society say? What will your family say? God is not a God of divorce. In fact, He hates it. - Malachi 2:16. One day out of the blues, he mentioned that he did not want to live with our son and me anymore. “What, after everything we’ve been through? We are a family, we are married! What do you mean? I thought we were trying to work on things.” You must be reading this and saying, “listen to this girl.” But I am a Christian, we do not get a divorce! The long and short of it all is that my marriage took a toll on my mind and body to the point where I was diagnosed with a chronic disease. Stress does that!  I eventually filed for divorce and I was suddenly at peace. The bible speaks about that peace that surpasses all understanding and I felt that. With all that happened, should I have gotten a divorce? 1 Corinthians 7:15 states, “But if the unbelieving partners leave, let them go. Under these circumstances, a Christian man or Christian woman is not bound ⌞by a marriage vow⌟. God has called you to live in peace.” - GW. With that said, I am no longer bound.

During the process of divorce and after the divorce, my relationship with God began getting stronger and deeper. I began stepping into my purpose. During this point, I realize that not all relationships are put together by God (correct me if I am wrong). I believe that when we see red flags, that is a warning to say that we should not go there; however, we often overlook them. We have free will and oftentimes God allows us to do what we want so we can see down the line why He said no in the first place.  He allows us but He may not always agree. For example, Solomon had many wives and concubines. God allowed it but He did not agree with it. If you read Solomon’s story, you could see how that unfolded. I believe that had I sought God at the beginning of my relationship and taken the red flags for what they were, I would not have gone down the road of divorce. He also does not agree with divorce but He allows it especially when adultery is involved. - Matthew 19:10. The bible says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” - Matthew 6:33. If I was doing that as well as leaning on God instead of my own understanding, things would have been different.

As Christians, we need to seek God in everything. Seek God when we are thinking about a certain relationship. Let God guide you so you will not be unevenly yoked with someone.  2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” God wants us to choose partners who are like-minded. Marriage should be a 3-fold cord or a triangle with God at the top and the wife and husband at each side. You cannot have a healthy marriage without God. I believe that, without allowing God to choose for us and having God at the center of our marriages, that is when divorce comes into play. Do not get me wrong, marriages are not a piece of cake; however, with God, it does not have to be “teeth pulling.” I also believe God to be a forgiving God; therefore, I do believe that there is hope for people who got divorced. Take for example John 4, Jesus met a Samaritan woman at the well. He knew and even told her about her 5 husbands and even the man that she was living with who is not her husband. Did he criticize her? No, He did not.  I have also seen and heard success stories of people who got divorced and remarried when they relied on God for a spouse.

Divorce is a sensitive topic, especially within the Christian community. However,  I have learned based on my experiences that we can say one thing but when we encounter the situation for ourselves, our views or actions may be different. I was headstrong against divorce, I searched the bible for answers, I prayed and I cried countless times. I was in that “situation” for more than 10 years, my health was deteriorating, I was basically in the marriage by myself and I was beginning to lose hope. Divorce or death was the only way out and I went for divorce. What would you choose? I can say that I am the happiest I have ever been in over a decade and I am much, MUCH closer to God. All because of God’s grace. Of course, it still did not make the situation right or acceptable so I repented and I was forgiven. Yes, I do pray that God will bless me with a kingdom man; after all, I am still very young. God is not finished with me yet; hence, I do not believe an abusive, adulterous marriage will be the end of my story.

Divorce is a sensitive topic so the next time you encounter someone going through one or contemplating one, please offer grace. Encourage them instead of judging and bashing them. Pray with and for them. Ask God to intervene and give them the spirit of discernment. God is a God of love so offer love. Also, remember that we should display “agape” love on a daily basis, especially in marriages. Every day will not be sunshine and rainbows; therefore, that is not a reason to call it quits! I love you and God loves you!

P.S. I am open to a discussion.

Love,

Christian Girl